Why Can't I ever get directions to put together anything easily

Why are directions so complicated when you put together anything anymore? From basketball hoops to toys directions to set up these have so little usefulness that it is starting to become a trend that seems to get worse every day.


I consider myself a semi bright individual and I at times almost intelligent enough to put a basketball hoop together. With the directions that came with the Reebok Basketball hoop yo0u need a PhD to figure out how to set it up. Wait a minute, I have one of those and yet I still cannot figure it out. Even with the directions that come in six different languages they do not make any sense. Five hundred dollars for a setup that cannot be setup.

Who writes the manuals for toys or kerosene heaters that go in your garage? Even the pictures do not make any sense. Put rod in slot A means absolutely nothing if you cannot find a slot A in the product or the picture.

When you buy a product that needs setup it generally is not made in America any more. My guess is that the product writers of directions are not Americans either. That would solve one aspect of the problem, but clearly that would not solve why the diagrams are always wrong. Pictures are a universal language are they not?

Maybe I should invent a company that will put items bought that need to be put together. There is already a Geek Squad for computers maybe there should be a Dr. Cris Squad to help with everything non computer related. The only thing I will not be doing is working as an engineer for the Dr. Cris Squad because I cannot follow directions.

When I teach, I always teach my students to write as if Grandma is trying to learn the task at hand. If you can teach Grandma how to do it, you can teach anyone. Trust me it works as a great teaching tool.

When you call the800 number on the directions booklet you generally get a call center. I have never understood the point of creating a huge call center and staffing it with uneducated, unprepared, incomprehensible people with absolutely no authority to make any changes, fix anything, or do anything.

Most of these call centers are “off shore” with a majority in India. I truly having nothing against the Indian people and have several Indian friends. However, I cringe when I call a company for support and hear what appears to be an Indian accent from the representative, a often less then perfect connection for the call (since my call is being transferred across the damn Globe!) and a greeting such as "Hi, my name is Sally, how may I help you" (Because they are not allowed to use their own Indian names and it's clear the rep is NOT "Sally" or "Bob").

I have no idea what is accomplished here. My experience is the reps at these call centers can't understand any problem that varies from one of the several scripts they have been given to read, can't make any decisions and are often curt when you are unhappy that they can't do a thing for you.

I have so often stopped doing business with a company after experiencing one of these call centers, I am surprised US companies have not shut them all down by now. If you want my business from now on please make directions and call centers that actually help.

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Weekly Thought Bonanza Dec 27th

On Sunday/Monday, I produce a column called “The Weekly Thought Bonanza”. The column is based on all of the random thoughts that run through my head all week, and trust me there are a plethora of them. I will try to share as many of these thoughts as I can, so each one of my readers can think just a little bit extra over the coming week. After my short holiday break the “Bonanza is back.


If you marry a woman or man from a foreign country and you allow them to take your child on a “vacation” to their homeland and they do not come back, I have no sympathy for you. Don’t let your children leave the country without you.

When will we develop a x-ray machine at airports that will give a full body scan that will effectively check for explosive devices. Have we not learned anything on 9-11?

Urban Meyer has a serious heart problem and has decided to take some time off. Citing family first, he will take a long break from football. Good for him.

Playing Santa for the first time was better than I ever thought it would be.

Backup Quarterbacks in the NFL truly have a great job. Watching a bunch of backups play this week only confirms to me why they are backups in the first place.

Ten billion dollars worth of gift cards were purchased this holiday season. Over two billion of those will never be used. What a money maker that is.

Hollywood grossed one billion dollars this weekend. Recession?

I would not discount the New England Patriots in the playoffs this year.

Anyone want to tell me when it is appropriate to stop turning on the Christmas lights?

George Clooney is getting oversatured.

Firefighters in Sacramento say a man burned down his house while he was burning his divorce papers. Please take notice Tiger Woods.

Speaking of Mr. Woods, would you like to take a Mulligan on your life?

Ivana Trump had to be escorted off a plane because she was agitated at children running in the isle. Ivana, now you know how others feel when we here you ranting and raving on television, darling.

I for one cannot wait for the Winter Olympics.

I am hearing that the Keurig Coffee machine was a big hit as a holiday gift. If you received one please try the Hazel Nut Dark Roast blend. You will be glad you did.

My football office pool has me in fourth place. Not good.

The Weekly Thought Bonanza, thought of the week; does everyone hope that 2010 will be a better year than 2009?

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Christmas Thought Bonanza

I have decided to start a Christmas Thought Bonanza, a new annual column on the same idea of the popular Weekly Thought Bonanza, dedicated to the Christmas season. Here are my thoughts on Christmas 2009.


Try parking at a mall during the Christmas season . There is never enough spots for all of the shoppers. Even during the day the malls are packed with bargain hunters trying to find the next great deal. Parking in the last spot in the lot and carrying all of your presents doesn’t make for a fun holiday season.

What do department store Santa’s do during the non holiday season?

The picking of the family Christmas tree is the most important pick of the holiday season. Getting the perfect tree is now is a big challenge in my household. Getting it home with bungee cords and rope without falling of the SUV’s roof is a bigger challenge.

I love all of the kiosk’s in the mall with all kinds of different trinkets to buy. The goods at these kiosks are great last minute gifts.

I love buying new ornaments for the tree every year. Unfortunately the tree can never fit them all.

What happened to mistletoe? I did not find any this year.

I am a big proponent of eggnog and I especially like it with a little rum. This year I finally read the sugar and fat content in it. Yikes, it is not good for you, but it still tastes great. I look forward to it every year.

People who buy a puppy for Christmas are just asking for trouble. Potty training a puppy when you are visiting all season just does not bode well for your hardwood floors or your rugs.

People who rely on Christmas tips must hate this economy.

I definitely give as much as I humanely possible to charities throughout the year. Those Salvation Army bells do drive me crazy though.

Radio stations that switch to an all Christmas format during the holiday’s must have tremendous ratings problems the rest of the year.

Christmas sweaters are just absolutely hideous.

Why can’t men wrap presents and have to have their mom’s or sisters or mother in-laws wrap them for us? Thank god for wrapping centers at the mall.

The perfect present is not the most expensive, it is the one that touches the heart.

If Thanksgiving is dominated by the turkey is Christmas dominated by the cookies that you leave for Santa Claus.

Am I really a Grinch if I do not litter my home with Christmas lights like Clark Griswold?

This is the first season I get to play Santa. Maybe I should gain a few pounds too.

And the Christmas Thought Bonanza Thought of the season; Why are there never enough of the hot gifts of the season? I would think that there would be plenty of them to maximize profits for the toy companies.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all and to all a great few days.

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Finding the right baby gift

Tis’ the season to be jolly and I have been extremely jolly this week. This is the first year I get to be Santa Claus. I went to find the best toys I could for my eight month old son. What an experience.


Buying A Christmas Present For Baby

If you have a little one in your life, finding the right baby Christmas gift is one of the hardest tasks of the holiday season, but also one of the most enjoyable. After all, nothing beats a happy baby. Their eyes light up without even the merest hint of self-consciousness, they gurgle and giggle, and everyone around oohs and ash.

Sometimes, however, making a baby happy is easier said than done. Whether you want to buy a Christmas gift for baby's future or something that they can enjoy now, you're sure to find a baby Christmas gift that's absolutely perfect. Browse through a varied selection of unique gifts for babies and their parents online from a number of websites dedicated to babies.

Little ones are notoriously picky, so don’t be all that surprised if the baby Christmas gifts that you pick out evoke screams of terror instead of screams of joy. There is just simply no telling what is going to provoke happiness, and what is more likely to cause fear.


Have Some Fun Picking Out Your Baby's Holiday Present

Even so, it can be a lot of fun to pick out a baby Christmas gift. At any rate, it is a whole lot more enjoyable than picking out a corporate Christmas gift, or a new vase for the aunt that you do not particularly care for.

Babies will not pretend to be pleased, while secretly hating you for not knowing what they really want. Babies will not hold a grudge against you all year and get you a calendar next Christmas as a type of covert revenge. Babies are honest, and there is something refreshing about honesty.

People rarely realize how many different baby Christmas gift choices there are out there. There are new clothes, building blocks, puppets and stuffed animals, and of course, educational toys. If you really want to please both baby and parents with your Christmas present, I highly recommend getting educational toys.

All parents are concerned about making sure that their babies get the best education possible, and it is never too soon to talk. The great thing about getting educational baby Christmas gifts is that they will be fun too. They will use games to teach the kid about spatial reasoning, logical thinking, and the like. Know, after all, what the baby already has and what he or she needs without asking. The parents will probably thank you for your consideration in taking the time to ask.

Always remember, buying a baby Christmas gift is as much about pleasing the parents as it is about making the baby happy.

More Baby Christmas Gift Ideas

GeniusBabies.com features Christmas gift ideas arranged by age for gift shopping ease. Find the most popular holiday gifts for newborns, infants, and toddlers, gifts for preschoolers and big kids too. This is just once place to visit for lots of holiday gift ideas for every child on your list.

Unique Christmas Gifts For Babies

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A boy named Shay

This story was sent to me by a very special friend. I thought I would share it with my readers.

At a fund-raising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.
Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.


However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first!

Run to first!'

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

B y the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third!

Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

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Weekly Thought Bonanza Dec 20th

On Sunday/Monday, I produce a column called “The Weekly Thought Bonanza”. The column is based on all of the random thoughts that run through my head all week, and trust me there are a plethora of them. I will try to share as many of these thoughts as I can, so each one of my readers can think just a little bit extra over the coming week.


The snow in the Northeast this weekend has pretty much restored my faith in Al Gore. The way he tells it, next year we will be all at the beach at this time.

Speaking of the bad weather, I know air bags are supposed to save your life, but they sure as heck hurt when they go off. Think I would have rather had taken my chances this weekend inside my Range Rover without them.

Yes Virginia, the Keurig Brewer makes a wonderful Christmas Gift. Have I mentioned I really like mine?

Whatever happened to bakeries? I was in the grocery store and watched them take out of the freezer all the bread for the day. No wonder why there is absolutely a different taste to their so called “fresh” bread. I miss the neighborhood bakery.

No matter how you feel about it, the healthcare legislation was rushed and I do not believe we needed a bill that solves issues not opens them.

The stay at home mom who used Twitter to tell everyone to pray for her son as he lie in the hospital after drowning in the family pool. What do people really think about before they commit plain old dumb arse moves?

Waiting in line to see Santa Claus with everyone’s child running around and crying is one of the worst things so far about being a dad. Seeing your son’s big smile on Santa’s lap is one of the best and most cherished memories so far.

Survivor needs to either re-tool next season or I think that it might go into the reality television graveyard. Make some fun changes and big surprises and it still might have some legs.

On the other hand, the new season of 24 with Keifer Sutherland is fast approaching and I for one cannot wait. Jack is back and this season is supposed to be the finest so far.

How much wrapping paper do you think is used in one Christmas Season? Eight thousand tons and 50,000 trees were used last year. Before you start to get upset over the trees, more than 50 million dollars are raised each year for charities across the globe at gift wrapping stations. (stats from CBS News)

Comparing Elvis and Howard Stern in Sirius Radio’s new commercial at first glance seems ludicrous. Then after you think about it a bit Stern did change radio as Elvis changed music. Something to think about.

The Weekly Thought Bonanza Thought of the Week; If the economy is so bad, then why couldn’t I find a parking spot at the mall in the last month?


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