As much as it was meant to be a compliment that was given to me in having good manners, there were times of uncomfortable feelings and emotional pain that came along with it. My first notice to this was in the second grade in elementary school, when my teacher thanked me for my good manners in picking up the crumpled paper that one of the other students carelessly left on the floor. The other students made underhanded remarks as though I was a brown- nose. When I was simply remembering my manners. Kindness, politeness, and common courtesy continued to bring out the worst from my peers, as though I was not very smart or that I was trying to be better than they were.
And the mockery and insults continued into my adult years with name calling such as; mush, insecure, or having some hidden ulterior motive. It wasn't until many years of mistaken pain, that I’d come to a healthy balance. And thank God that I did! - While all along there were some who continued to label and look upon my politeness and manners as a weakness and not as a strength.
After many years of being in this somewhat painful pattern (that I didn’t seem to want to change) - I knew that I had to do something. But what?! So, rather than giving in to the system by toughening up with a different side manner that I didn’t feel or see held any value - Through the years and the mistaken pain, this is what I found that rang true to my heart:
I think that manners and politeness are a virtue in appreciation and consideration. I noticed the admiration and the value I held for others brought to the surface a manner of being more courteous, where as others may see this as false, or as a people pleaser. But truly, don’t we all put our best foot forward in being kind and courteous when we want to make an impression? - Good manners come easily. But the genuine balance comes when we‘re in the presence of others with whom we are not impressed with, or, with even close family members - The best of us tend to take for granted and leave our good manners behind. I began to notice that most everyone does this, and that I was no exception! This was the beginning of truly being considerate - Is what good manners are!
Possibly, being over mannerly towards others sent out the wrong message that resulted in a mistrust of my ulterior motives, is the mistaken pain that I was picking up? Or, that I was looking for a sense of approval? - Which may have been rightly so? Then, perhaps, the pain may have been coming from their mistrust or insecurity: “that I would hold so much more value and consideration towards them, than, they even held for themselves?!” So I began to take a closer look at the kindness and manners from everyone around me. And it was shown through “so much more” from almost every one of our greatest and successful leaders in the world. Aren’t they our role models? I truly didn’t think that their kindness and good manners were carrying a hidden motive with them. Actually, I saw this as the virtue that brought them to a better and higher place where they belonged.
Even though some of the unkind remarks may still continue today, they’re a lot less frequent since I no longer am affected by them. What I learned to do when they are apparent, is to strive even more so for better manners and kindness towards those who appear to have mistaken, or have a lack of knowledge for such a powerful virtue, that having good manners and the kind consideration of others can bring to us.
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