I think I can make you laugh

I have always thought that I could be a standup comic. While I might look funny, I have at times made people laugh. Making people laugh is one of the things that make me feel like I have a purpose on this earth. If I could just make it a living then it would be purposeful. Now that was a bit witty, don’t you think?


I have written that the belly laugh is the best thing on earth. I cannot remember a joke for the life of me. Most of the jokes that I know are strictly locker room quality. None of the one’s I know can be told at a nursing home. Not that I have visited a nursing home lately. Maybe I could learn how to sing. Then again, I spent all of the money that my parents gave me for singing lessons on baseball cards.

Jim Carey uses his body to make people laugh. His expressions are priceless. I have nothing like that in my repertoire. In fact I have no real skill in this area at all. I wish it was that easy to make someone laugh.

Dave Barry is a great comedy columnist. I have read some of my columns recently and as hard as I have tried writing about sharks and pillows are not exactly funny stuff as Johnny Carson would say. What is funny to me is when I write something that I believe might gain a laugh or two does it really make someone laugh. When I write a column with hopes of making someone laugh, do people really enjoy it? I would bet my life they do. Well maybe not my life, more like a buck. My life is too precious to bet my life on. Maybe the dollar is too much too.

I do tell a pretty good story now and then I have been told. I like the shock factor in every story I tell. I say things that should never come out of my mouth. Probably infantile, but hey it works. I am certain that I will not stop doing.

I cannot act I know that. I tried a few times with little or no success, mostly no success. I cannot live in a world of make believe, I really can’t. Maybe I already do believing that I can entertain.

I say cannot so many times lately maybe I have just become the male version of Debbie downer. That is not funny now is it? It is more like a bad case of hemorrhoids? Ok, maybe that is too much information to share in this column, but it is what it is.

I certainly try the analogy game every once in awhile. The dictionary states, an analogy is the similarity in some respects between things that are otherwise dissimilar. A few of my favorites;

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.


The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.


McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.


From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.)

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.


Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.


Instant classics, if I do not say so myself. Maybe I can never have the comic genius of a Richard Pryor, but do you really have to? Bringing a smile is what it really is all about.


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Weekly Thought Bonanza November 30th

On Sunday/Monday, I produce a column called “The Weekly Thought Bonanza”. The column is based on all of the random thoughts that run through my head all week, and trust me there are a plethora of them. I will try to share as many of these thoughts as I can, so each one of my readers can think just a little bit extra over the coming week. After my short holiday break the “Bonanza is back.


Christmas music before December 1st makes no sense to me. It is so nice to just enjoy Thanksgiving first.

Tiger Woods is human after all. Good luck Tiger, cleaning up that mess my friend.

My Christmas tree is up before December first by the way. With an eight month old and a baby on the way, I just had to.

Somali Pirates have hijacked another oil tanker this week. When will we learn that this has to be stopped immediately? Goes to show you the United Nations cannot do a thing. Once again Great Britain and the United States have to play the world policeman.

Concussions in the NFL have to be dealt with more strictly. The league makes billions in revenue so there are no excuses. Protect the players first. Football might just become too dangerous to play.

ESPN has incredibly hilarious commercials when their on air talent and athletes mix. You cannot change the channel when they come on. The new ‘Shaqtus” commercial is an instant classic. Good commercials are better than any television show to me.

Just a thought her, but how many of you think that there is no way this flu season will ever end? There are more people out sick and school days missed than I can ever remember. Piece of advice, try the Zinc and Vitamin C diet.

Reports of Chinese children being kidnapped and sold in U.S. has some worried orphans they adopted weren't really orphans, others fearing crackdowns might backfire on kids with medical problems.

Whatever happened to good old fashion family fun entertainment? Does anyone play games like Monopoly or Life?

I know that Friday after Thanksgiving is a big shopping day, but to line up at 3 am is not my idea of a fun day. If I have to get up at 3 am it is to feed the baby.

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat and my electric bill is about to go through the roof with all of the lights I have up. Clark Griswold Chasse is the name and hanging lights is not what I wanted to be doing in 50 mph wind this weekend.

Blue Ray DVD’s are absolutely awesome to watch. Having to update the software is not awesome at all.

I am glad the city of New Orleans is having a revival and with their undefeated football team the city has a sense of pride. Tuning on the New England Patriots is not fun for a fan of the Pats.

The Weekly Thought Bonanza thought of the week; What do you get someone for Christmas that has everything? I need ideas.

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What really is Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving is a North American harvest festival. When the Pilgrims (a Puritan sect) arrived in America to start a new life here, they set up colonies, practiced their religion freely, and farmed their new land. They celebrated Thanksgiving as an act of gratitude to God for their new life and freedoms.

In the United States, Thanksgiving is celebrated as a legal one-day holiday every year on the fourth Thursday of November. When the Pilgrims first came to Plymouth Plantation, the Native American tribes like that of Wampanoag taught them how to yield crops for a living.

The earliest authenticated celebration was the one in September 1565, in Florida. The Native Americans were deeply pious, and the tradition is carried through even today.

European farmers observed Thanksgiving for a good harvest. They stuffed a goat's horn with the harvested grains symbolically known as cornucopia or the Horn of Plenty. This ritual was carried on when they arrived in Canada.

Thanksgiving is celebrated on the second Monday of October every year in Canada. It dates back to Martin Frobisher, who celebrated it in 1578 out of appreciation for having survived his journey trying to find a northern passage to the Orient.

Hence, the former celebrated Thanksgiving as a prayer for a good harvest. Since 1947, The National Turkey Federation gives the President of the country one live and two dressed turkeys as gift. This ritual is known as the National Thanksgiving Turkey Presentation.

Knowing why Thanksgiving started is so different than what it is and means today. We do not celebrate the harvest or cheer a journey anymore. We celebrate the family. We celebrate friends and we celebrate the blessings that we have.

The best thing to me about Thanksgiving is certainly not the shopping the next day, called Black Friday. Thanksgiving is sharing a meal, a laugh, a story, and a smile. Family and friends being together for a day of watching football and eating till we are stuffed like the turkey. That certainly brings happiness to my family.

Americans can and should use this day not just as a day of happiness but also as a day of reflection. Think deeply about what you have and thank all of the people in your life that makes you appreciate not only what you have, but what is yet to come.


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Dodd and Reid might be ex-Senators in 2010

Two Senate leaders trying to steer a pair of President Barack Obama's high-stakes initiatives through Congress are being dogged by re-election worries, and it's not clear whether their legislative prominence will help or hurt them.


Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., and Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn., are trailing in early polls, and Republicans are eager to topple them in next year's elections.

They also are central players in two of the most ambitious and hotly contested agenda items in decades. Reid is scratching and clawing to find enough Senate votes to overhaul the nation's health care system. And Dodd, as chairman of the banking committee, is pushing a massive bill to re-regulate the nation's financial institutions following the mortgage meltdown and economic crisis.

Policy-making in Congress has long mixed with rawboned politics. But seldom does the focus fall so clearly on two powerful lawmakers who, despite their seniority and influence, are in real danger of being voted out of office.

Obama is well aware that two of his top priorities are being shepherded by Democratic senators who badly need to have home-state voters view them more favorably. Administration aides say the president is responding in two ways: Helping Reid and Dodd raise early campaign money; and, especially with Dodd, giving them leeway to deviate from administration proposals for now, knowing there is time to bend the bills more to Obama's liking before final votes occur.

Obama adviser David Axelrod said the president strongly admires Reid and Dodd, and believes they best serve their home-state constituents by being national leaders on big issues such as health care and financial oversight.

Democrats are doing their best to help Dodd, a senator's son who joined the Senate himself in 1981. They let him preside over the chamber when a crucial health care vote was taken Saturday night, and they've given him other chances to go before TV cameras during recent events related to health care and finances.

Advocacy groups are carefully watching Reid and Dodd for signs of shaping the bills to help their re-election campaigns. Some claim to see such evidence, while others say it would be difficult for either senator to manipulate the massive, complex legislation in ways to appeal to ordinary voters.

In Dodd's case, business groups say his financial regulation bill has more populist features than do Obama's proposals and a House version. For example, Dodd would strip the Federal Reserve of its power to regulate banks, and consolidate banking oversight under one regulatory agency rather than several. Some have accused him of "Fed-bashing."

Dodd called the comments mystifying, saying he has been consistent on consumer issues for years.

A recent Quinnipiac poll in Connecticut found Dodd trailing potential GOP challenger Rob Simmons, a former House member, 49 percent to 38 percent. A lesser-known Republican also led Dodd in a hypothetical matchup.

Quinnipiac poll director Doug Schwartz said Dodd hurt himself with state voters by moving to Iowa during his unsuccessful bid for the 2008 presidential nomination, and by receiving preferential treatment in obtaining mortgage loans. Worst of all, Schwartz said, was Dodd's involvement in a bill that protected bonuses for executives at insurance giant AIG, which proved deeply unpopular.

In a similar vein, many Nevada voters seem to have grown tired of Reid after 23 years in the Senate. A poll commissioned by the Las Vegas Review-Journal found him 10 percentage points behind Nevada GOP chairwoman Sue Lowden, one of several Republicans vying to oppose him next year. Half of Nevada's voters had an unfavorable view of Reid.

Reid's friends fear echoes of Tom Daschle, the Senate Democratic leader who lost a 2004 re-election bid in South Dakota amid claims that he showed more allegiance to a national, liberal-leaning agenda than to his conservative state.



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Weekly Thought Bonanza Nov 22nd

On Sunday/Monday, I produce a column called “The Weekly Thought Bonanza”. The column is based on all of the random thoughts that run through my head all week, and trust me there are a plethora of them. I will try to share as many of these thoughts as I can, so each one of my readers can think just a little bit extra over the coming week.


Miley Cyrus is getting an incredible amount of heat for dissing the movie “Twilight’. Why do people feel the need to criticize individuals who do not like Vampires? I hate Vampires. They are creepy and they drink blood for god sake’s. Miley, I am with you on this one kiddo.

I so like the Geico commercials are great. When I needed insurance I called Geico first. Why? Because I remember the commercials. Good job little green fella.

Nothing is better than having a child, two is even better.

I love Thanksgiving for the turkey and the football. Watching the Lions get “stuffed” like a turkey every Thanksgiving is getting a little old. Can we change the Cowboys and Lions now, please?

What ever happened to Stroh’s beer and that smart little dog that could open the bottle and drink it? That dog was the best.

Kellie Pickler, of American Idol fame, please get rid of the red hair.

Iran has started to play war games to protect its nuclear arsenal. I hear the sound of the Israeli jets getting their engines revved up. There is no way Israel is going to let the Iranians have a nuclear arsenal stacked up, no way.

Rodney Harrison and Tony Dungy are great on the Sunday Night Football show. They offer great insights without going over the top. Truly remarkable in this day an age, where most announcers try to be the story, instead of just reporting it.

I thought I could live without my Blackberry someday, but ummm, no I cannot. What an invention and what a great way to communicate with everyone, without being on the phone 24/7.

I have always liked the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. The ten p.m. version should have been more of a variety show than what we are seeing now. The show is falling flat for the 10 p.m. time slot. It is too bad because I had high hopes for the show.

Netflix has pretty much put Blockbuster out of business. I tried Netflix this month and it has totally changed my opinion on how to rent movies. I absolutely love it. Check it out.

Is laser correction surgery worth it? Please let me know. I would love to wake up in the am and find out that I can actually see.

I enjoy lighting a fire at my house every night. I burn at least three cords of wood each year. I often wonder how many trees are burned in a calendar year. The gas fireplace just does not do it for me.

Jon and Kate please please go away.

If you were only correct fifty percent of the time in your job would you be fired? You would not if you were a meteorologist. Today for instance it was supposed to be sixty degrees and sunny in Boston and yet, it was forty degrees with not a ray of sunshine. Glad I do not even listen to the weatherman any more.

Why can’t we get the H1N1 vaccinations to the public faster? Did we run out of chicken eggs or something?

Is there anything better than a big fat juicy cheeseburger?

The Weekly Thought Bonanza thought of the week; when one router goes down in Utah and every flight in the United States gets affected in the process you know that there is a problem with air travel in America.


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Positive Experiences build character

What makes someone either happy or sad? How are some so positive in the worst situations where others who have one little bump in the road become devastated and almost end up becoming a shell of the old self? Positive people are more successful in life, love and relationships. Being positive is infectious and I strongly believe that.


I have watched people who have been in the worst situations almost will their pain away by keeping positive. I have also seen people’s negativity ruin not just themselves but others who are around them. Take for example, University of Kansas officials are willing to talk with former players about allegations of abusive behavior by football coach Mark Mangino - and two former players had plenty to say on Thursday.

Former Jayhawks receiver Raymond Brown recalled how in 2007, after his younger brother was wounded in a shooting near his home in St. Louis, teammates gathered around and warmly pledged their support. A few days later, Brown said, an angry Mangino ordered him to the sideline during practice and made a shockingly insensitive comment.

"He went off on me yelling, which is fine," Brown told The Associated Press. "I kept saying, 'Yes, sir, yes, sir,' to everything he was saying. A teammate asked me what happened. Then he started on me again and I said, 'Yes, sir,' and he said, 'Don't you 'yes sir' me. I'll send you back to St. Louis where you can get shot by your homies."'

This is a disgusting way to motivate college athletes if this is true. When I coached I was very firm yet always understanding. Coaches should be great actors, hard on the outside and soft on the inside. Your attitude is infectious on young adults.

Brown and another former player also told the AP that Mangino made insensitive comments about a player's father being an alcoholic.

A spokesman said Mangino, who needs three victories to become the winningest coach in school history, was not returning calls Thursday. He has said he has done nothing wrong.

The university this week confirmed that it is investigating allegations of verbal and emotional abuse by Mangino, the 2007 national coach of the year.

The probe by associate athletic director for risk management Lori Williams began Sunday after senior linebacker Arist Wright complained to athletic director Lew Perkins that Mangino had poked him in the chest while chewing him out.

Positives in life never get media time. Sports should bring out the best in your athletes. In fact you should relate to the players approximately as you do to your own children and as the parents of your players relate to their own son. Being positive all the time will not get the room cleaned up and the homework done. Kids need tough love. Fundamentals are nice. You have to teach fundamentals when it comes to the rules, safety, and the basics of various football actions like holding onto the football, keeping your head up, and so on. But most youth coaching books, and most youth coaches, spend far too much on fundamentals to the neglect of more important things like making sure the kids know their assignments. Discipline can teach so many different things, when it is done with a positive spin.



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