Asking Mr Claus

I decided to take a trip to an exotic place to get some knowledge I desperately needed. Well maybe not exotic, as I decided to go to the coldest place on earth. I went on an excursion, dog sled and all, to find that knowledge, and I needed a meet and greet with a man named Claus. This has been a dream of mine since my son was born in April. I was going on an adventure to obtain knowledge. I so enjoy a great adventure.


I was looking for this meet and greet to find the only other man who never let’s down a child. My father never let me down and as a new father I needed to figure out how my father did this and the only person I could think of to explain this to me was Mr. Claus. Santa Claus that is.

When I arrived at the North Pole, I was absolutely freezing to death. I am a man who wears shorts and flip flops all winter long and yet I was chilled to the bone. Who in their right mind would live in a place that makes your teeth chatter and your knees knock? I was so hoping this meeting is worth it.

As I was let into this incredible happy place all I could see was the most amazing brightness in the decor and the happiness in the faces of the smallest elves I have ever seen. Actually, the only elves I have ever seen. I could not get the smile off of my face as the happiness abound was infectious.

While I was given a tour of the facility, I was introduced to the sweetest grandmotherly type woman I have ever met. Mrs. Claus was an absolute dynamite lady. The milk and cookies were absolutely fabulous. She explained to me that she put Mr. Claus on a diet as his weight has become a concern. Stern talk by this sweet lady.

I explained to her why I was there and I thanked her profusely for allowing me to come into her home and ask her husband advice on how to make a child live a life of upmost happiness.

Mr. Claus was busy checking some lists as Mrs. Claus and I continued to make small talk. When Mr. Claus was finished, he came into the Claus family study and gave me the biggest and warmest man hug that I had ever received. Mrs. Claus gave me a kiss on my cheek and I was alone with the big cheese.

The first thing that came to mind was that he was not as fat as I had thought he would be. I wanted to ask him if he started weight watchers, but I was here for advice and that is all I needed from him. Even though, I was awfully interested about his weight loss plan. He did look fabulous.

I explained to Mr. Claus how I wanted to be a father like mine was to me. I told him my son Keegan was the world to me. He is the twinkle in my eye and the happiest little baby I have ever seen. I wanted to make sure that he will be that way the rest of his life. Mr. Claus gave me just one piece of advice. He said, “Just by going to the extreme of getting to the North Pole and asking the question of how to make your child happy was enough right there.” He gave me another man hug and he walked me out to my dog sled.

On my way back home I pondered Mr. Claus’s advice in my head over and over again. Why is just asking how the answer? It must have hit me like a ton of bricks because I became totally overwhelmed with emotion. Mr. Claus was basically telling me it is all about giving a care. Caring enough to ask the question and finding the answer with a whole lot of love behind it, is what making a child happy is all about.



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Weekly Thought Bonanza Dec 6th

On Sunday/Monday, I produce a column called “The Weekly Thought Bonanza”. The column is based on all of the random thoughts that run through my head all week, and trust me there are a plethora of them. I will try to share as many of these thoughts as I can, so each one of my readers can think just a little bit extra over the coming week. After my short holiday break the “Bonanza is back.


If I hear about one more story where you cannot display Christmas decorations on public property I am going to scream. This nation was founded as a Christian nation and if anyone really is offended by Santa Claus then we have really taken a giant step back.

When the New England Patriots lose my whole week is just not the same. I can barely pick up the paper. Sad I know. What is sadder is a seven and five record and a loss to the Dolphins.

I watched Bing Crosby in a White Christmas last night and if you get a chance to see the movie, check out the old time special effects. We have certainly come a long way since the 1950’s.

The New Hampshire and Vermont Ski Mountains finally had their first snow fall this weekend and everything looks like a go for next weekend. Here is hoping that it is a great season this year.

Getting back to the holiday theme; does anyone like fruitcake? What a waste of ingredients.

A Mayor in Tennessee is complaining that our Muslim President interrupted a Charlie Brown Christmas for his press conference on Afghanistan. That is kind of a stretch, don’t you think?

Bass shoe outlets are offering a buy one get two free sale on shoes this weekend. If you want to do something for the holidays for the less fortunate, buy a pair of shoes, get two free and then donate them. It is a win win situation for everyone.

If a sandwich just isn’t a sandwich without Miracle Whip salad dressing than what is it?

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has been asked to intervene in the Amanda Knox murder case. Seems to me that she should, as most accounts I have read say that the Italian justice system is worse than ours.

Do not eat Chinese food in Chinatown after you watch a sci-fi show about Chinese mafia folks giving people pills that grow large squid like creatures in your intestines. Oh wait, I watched the show on Thursday and ate in Chinatown on Friday.

Spring training starts in fifty nine days. Wow has time flown since the end of the baseball season.

Did I tell you when the Patriots lose my week is awful?

Daylight savings time is not the best idea when it gets dark at about 4:30 pm in New England in the month of December. It was 6 pm tonight and it felt like bed time.

James Cameron’s new movie Avatar looks like a video game come to life.

The Weekly Thought Bonanza thought of the week; Comcast buying NBC is a great idea for Comcast, but when you announce the deal and then announce your support for Obamacare it is all too suspect for me.

Please feel free to post a comment after each and every column.


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How laughter was saved

Alright I really have done it this time, I really really did it. I made a few people laugh. I am both pleased and a bit confused. Pleased, because I made people laugh. Confused, because I really am not that funny.


Since I first wrote the column, I have heard from several people who have said I needed to share more of the things that I do to make people laugh out loud. I figured what the heck I will share some and hope I make people laugh again. I hope, is the key words here.

There was an event way back in the mid 1500’s that changed the way people feel about laughing. People who lived back then lost all ability to laugh because of the long history of being told what funny really is. The court jesters were about as boring as reading the New York Times on a good day. Happiness only came from a good chicken and a lousy pickled turnip.

Then one foggy December 3rd eve, a revival on happiness came about. Sir Emo Rubik invented a cube that revolutionalized happiness. People of all ages learned that there was more to life than turnips, carrots and farming. They were taught that this magic cube that “puzzled” the masses was indeed the way to happiness.

With this magic cube, that twisted and turned where each of the six faces is covered by 9 stickers, among six solid colors (traditionally white, red, blue, orange, green, and yellow). A pivot mechanism enables each face to turn independently, thus mixing up the colors. For the puzzle to be solved, each face must be a solid color.

Well the masses at first could not understand how to solve Emo’s little colorful cube and decided that there was only one person who could possibly solve this great unknown . Two villagers from the mountains of London’s east side named Dave and Tim gathered all the villagers whose puzzlement over the new cubes were building with each minute from Big Ben.

With an almost unanimous vote, it was decided that the cube would need to be brought to the most famous puzzle solver of the day, Dr Cris Chasse. What he was a doctor of has never been truly known, however most people say, as legend has it, that he was not just the doctor of love in the early days, but also a doctor of all the sciences then known to man.

When Dave and Tim reached the famous Chasse, he was working on making a candle that really was not a candle at all. It was a strange type of bulb that actually light up a room far better than any candle they had ever seen (more on that in another column). Dave handed the good doctor the cube and explained the rules as best he could. Within sixty some odd seconds, Chasse put all the colors in order and thus completed the puzzle. The glee that Dave and Tim had was undeniable. Tim and Dave thanked the extremely talented Dr. after learning the secret to solving the puzzle and raced back to the village.

In front of all the village, Dave and Tim solved the puzzle in front of all of the village. Laughter, smiles and dancing erupted spontaneously. Most of the villagers could not solve the puzzle but it really did not matter at all. What mattered most was that laughter and smiles had returned in abundance. The biggest baby boom of the century happened that next year as people were uncontrollably happy again. Men, woman, and children, once again learned how to be themselves and unleashed that little green happy person inside. That happy person resides in all of us and it doesn’t take Emo’s famous cube to unleash it.

Please feel free to post a comment after each and every column.



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Cutting costs at the risk of our health

If you wind up in the hospital, there’s a good chance you’ll be making a return trip. About 20% of Medicare patients are readmitted within a month or so of discharge.


Now the feds are looking to drive down readmissions by penalizing hospitals with high rates. The idea is to give hospitals a financial incentive to keep patients out of the hospital, which could in turn lower overall health costs.

So many hospitals may soon be following the lead of those facilities that have been making a concerted effort to keep people from coming back. The key takeaway: To drive down readmission rates, hospitals have to follow their patients home and get involved in their lives in the outside world.

Here is the tale of a hospital in western Massachusetts that’s been pushing for a while to reduce readmissions for patients with heart failure, a chronic condition where the heart isn’t pumping as well as it needs to. The hospital’s efforts range from installing high-tech monitors in patients’ homes to telling patients to lay off the hot dogs at Fourth of July picnics, because the high sodium content could cause problems.

Heart failure is a key condition to watch in the readmission story for a few reasons.

Readmission rates are particularly high for heart failure patients — about one in four is readmitted in 30 days.

Heart failure patients often have multiple, chronic conditions, so they’re indicative of the type of complex patient that often struggles in our fragmented health-care system. They often see multiple specialists who may not be aware of all the different drugs the patient is taking, and it may be difficult for the patient to coordinate his or her own care.

What’s more, certain signs — such as sudden weight gain — can be a sign of imminent trouble, and quick, relatively simple interventions can prevent re-hopsitalization. The trick is some combination of teaching the patients to care for themselves, and working to take better care of them when they’re out of the hospital — the two big issues at the core of driving down readmission rates for a wide range of patients.

What does this all mean to us as a patient? No one like to be sick and we certainly do not want to go back to the hospital, but most of the time recent studies show that people leave the hospital way too early. Americans do not eat well and do not get the proper exercise in their daily routine. We can do anything if we put our mind’s to it, but sometimes our bodies just do not co-operate.

One can only hope that during the senate healthcare debate, our leaders will understand that we all will get sick one time or another and if we pay our insurance premiums the companies should treat us fairly.


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I think I can make you laugh

I have always thought that I could be a standup comic. While I might look funny, I have at times made people laugh. Making people laugh is one of the things that make me feel like I have a purpose on this earth. If I could just make it a living then it would be purposeful. Now that was a bit witty, don’t you think?


I have written that the belly laugh is the best thing on earth. I cannot remember a joke for the life of me. Most of the jokes that I know are strictly locker room quality. None of the one’s I know can be told at a nursing home. Not that I have visited a nursing home lately. Maybe I could learn how to sing. Then again, I spent all of the money that my parents gave me for singing lessons on baseball cards.

Jim Carey uses his body to make people laugh. His expressions are priceless. I have nothing like that in my repertoire. In fact I have no real skill in this area at all. I wish it was that easy to make someone laugh.

Dave Barry is a great comedy columnist. I have read some of my columns recently and as hard as I have tried writing about sharks and pillows are not exactly funny stuff as Johnny Carson would say. What is funny to me is when I write something that I believe might gain a laugh or two does it really make someone laugh. When I write a column with hopes of making someone laugh, do people really enjoy it? I would bet my life they do. Well maybe not my life, more like a buck. My life is too precious to bet my life on. Maybe the dollar is too much too.

I do tell a pretty good story now and then I have been told. I like the shock factor in every story I tell. I say things that should never come out of my mouth. Probably infantile, but hey it works. I am certain that I will not stop doing.

I cannot act I know that. I tried a few times with little or no success, mostly no success. I cannot live in a world of make believe, I really can’t. Maybe I already do believing that I can entertain.

I say cannot so many times lately maybe I have just become the male version of Debbie downer. That is not funny now is it? It is more like a bad case of hemorrhoids? Ok, maybe that is too much information to share in this column, but it is what it is.

I certainly try the analogy game every once in awhile. The dictionary states, an analogy is the similarity in some respects between things that are otherwise dissimilar. A few of my favorites;

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.


The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.


McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.


From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.)

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.


Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.


Instant classics, if I do not say so myself. Maybe I can never have the comic genius of a Richard Pryor, but do you really have to? Bringing a smile is what it really is all about.


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Weekly Thought Bonanza November 30th

On Sunday/Monday, I produce a column called “The Weekly Thought Bonanza”. The column is based on all of the random thoughts that run through my head all week, and trust me there are a plethora of them. I will try to share as many of these thoughts as I can, so each one of my readers can think just a little bit extra over the coming week. After my short holiday break the “Bonanza is back.


Christmas music before December 1st makes no sense to me. It is so nice to just enjoy Thanksgiving first.

Tiger Woods is human after all. Good luck Tiger, cleaning up that mess my friend.

My Christmas tree is up before December first by the way. With an eight month old and a baby on the way, I just had to.

Somali Pirates have hijacked another oil tanker this week. When will we learn that this has to be stopped immediately? Goes to show you the United Nations cannot do a thing. Once again Great Britain and the United States have to play the world policeman.

Concussions in the NFL have to be dealt with more strictly. The league makes billions in revenue so there are no excuses. Protect the players first. Football might just become too dangerous to play.

ESPN has incredibly hilarious commercials when their on air talent and athletes mix. You cannot change the channel when they come on. The new ‘Shaqtus” commercial is an instant classic. Good commercials are better than any television show to me.

Just a thought her, but how many of you think that there is no way this flu season will ever end? There are more people out sick and school days missed than I can ever remember. Piece of advice, try the Zinc and Vitamin C diet.

Reports of Chinese children being kidnapped and sold in U.S. has some worried orphans they adopted weren't really orphans, others fearing crackdowns might backfire on kids with medical problems.

Whatever happened to good old fashion family fun entertainment? Does anyone play games like Monopoly or Life?

I know that Friday after Thanksgiving is a big shopping day, but to line up at 3 am is not my idea of a fun day. If I have to get up at 3 am it is to feed the baby.

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat and my electric bill is about to go through the roof with all of the lights I have up. Clark Griswold Chasse is the name and hanging lights is not what I wanted to be doing in 50 mph wind this weekend.

Blue Ray DVD’s are absolutely awesome to watch. Having to update the software is not awesome at all.

I am glad the city of New Orleans is having a revival and with their undefeated football team the city has a sense of pride. Tuning on the New England Patriots is not fun for a fan of the Pats.

The Weekly Thought Bonanza thought of the week; What do you get someone for Christmas that has everything? I need ideas.

Follow me on twitter at https://twitter.com/drcchasse

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E-mail me at drcchasse@verizon.net to get on our mailing list.

Please forward to your friends and colleagues to enjoy. The more readers I have, the more money that is raised for the Dana Farber Cancer Institute.

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